Cascading Thoughts of a Pregnant Priestess

Under the weather and dreaming

Posted by Kat February 8, 2010 @ 7:14 pm
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Artist Maricarmen Pizano

I have been feeling pretty cruddy the last few days, but I feel like I am starting to come out of this cold. I’m was very bummed to have missed the MPCA meeting yesterday, but I figured that it would be best to keep my germs at home. I made it through work today, so I think I am on the upswing! I have a deliciously-scented french press full of “Witch’s Tea” from Jacqueline’s Tea Room brewing, so I hope that will lift my spirits too.

Probably the one thing that I hate the most about being sick (other than the discomfort) is that nagging feeling that I could be doing something more with my time. I also refer to it is the “Superwoman Syndrome”. Yes, not only can Superwoman save lives but also keep the perfect home. And, of course, she never gets sick! So why can’t I do everything that I am supposed to be doing – running errands, cleaning, cooking meals, etc – even when I am sick? Pretty crazy, right?

I have always had a hard time slowing down when I am sick. Gotta go to work. Gotta go to class. Gotta go to appointments. Gotta go to the store… So when I have to cancel my plans because I am sick, I feel so damn guilty! I worry about “things” not getting done. I worry about what people think of me when I cancel plans. Do they think I am lazy? Do they think that I don’t care? Grr! So instead of resting, my mind kicks into overdrive, and I feel so even more miserable!

Slowly I am getting better about this, but I still wrestle with this odd kind of guilt. If it was anyone else then I would tell them to stay home, rest, and wish them well – so why do I have such a hard time allowing myself to stay home and rest? Why do I feel like the weight of the world is crushing down on me when I have to slow down or stop to let my body heal? I know, it’s crazy! I know I am not so important that all hell is gonna break loose if I am not present and accounted for! :)

I’d like to be able to say someday that instead of being “under the weather and panicking” that I am “under the weather and dreaming”.

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